Hey y'all,
I hope you are doing well today. I just read a quote from Anne Lamott and wanted to share some of my personal experiences and thoughts.
""Oh my God, what if you wake up some day, and you're 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written, or you didn't go swimming in those warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It's going to break your heart. Don't let this happen."
I've struggled with weight my entire life, thinking it was a standard of beauty. My brother used to call me fat and ugly, among other names. I thought that's just what brothers did.
Years ago I had a photo on social media and some guy commented "Nice face. Body needs work." Deep down I believed his words and reading them hurt my feelings. I've always believed exactly what he said.
At some point in life, after hearing words so often, they become engrained as facts if we allow them. Our mental state plays a heavy role in weight management or body positivity. Whatever your mind believes, your body follows.
If we allow the words and opinions of others to shape our reality, we will never hear our own voice or trust our own thoughts, which is vital to living a happy life. Although, those words may serve as reminders to check our reality. Knowing your own truth and living in that truth brings immeasurable peace.
Although I've struggled with my weight (whether losing it or being comfortable in it), I'm feeling a little more confident lately because of an opportunity that challenged my inner voice.
I saw a call for plus size models. Now, I have never modeled, but someone suggested I should submit. I brushed it off at first but kept thinking about it. Finally, I mustered up enough courage to make the plan to submit.
The call required full body photos from all sides. Most of my photos are from the chest up. So a photographer offered to take photos of me. I'll admit, the idea of a photoshoot excited me. I started looking at my body more, but I had no idea what to wear.
I've grown out of my cute clothes so it's been a leggings tshirt year for me. I decided having a photoshoot made the perfect excuse to go shopping. I found cute comfortable clothes. I bought some mascara and eye shadow, the cheap kind because I only wear it for special occasions, maybe 1 or 2 times a year. I felt excited and confident about the idea of submitting, even if they didn't choose me.
After procrastinated research, I found out the deadline to submit did not allow time for the photoshoot, so I didn't submit for the model call. This isn't a movie so there's no perfect ending, but the experience gave me something I needed, a reminder to listen to my voice. I am smiling at myself more and reminding the mirror of my full body beauty.
I still plan to do the photoshoot when our schedules align.
I say all that to say this, knowing your body needs work may be your reality, but your happiness should never be based on your appearance. If you want to change your appearance, do it, but don't let it get in the way of your happiness. Do all the things you can and want to do without the hindrance of something as superficial as your weight.
LIVE!
Love y'all and thanks for reading!
♡T.M
